Well mom we have been moved in the house you designed for about 2 months now...its nice...bart and pennie and the kids came by today..they were down visiting for the labor day holiday...i have been thinking of you alot latley..on thursday jaime and the kids headed down to see her mom for the weekend...and it started to rain outside and i sat and looked out at it and watched all the cars in the valley buzzing to and fro...and thought where you would be right now if you hadnt died...would you be getting off work? as i looked over to sunfirst bank...or had you left already and were making your way over to harmons to pick up a few items for the lador day dinner we would have at your house?...rain just kept coming down...again i watched all the cars going and thought of where are they going? and thought of all the different moms and familys and how you were just one of those people living in the moment worried about things like will we have ham or just get a bucket of chicken to eat...then i thought again...no your not there...yep your really gone...no more silly earthly cares...then a thought came to my mind...you were the reason i lived here in st. george...i always wanted to be by you...and now your gone..i kinda feel jipped..not being able to have more time and holidays and dinners at your house with you tables all decorated up with stuff for the holiday...i wish dad had your love of life...i went to visit him..he was out on the porch smoking..it was nice to visit and i ate a apple off one of your trees in your yard...i have tried to get dad to do stuff like go out in the hills or anything...but he keeps on backing out at the last minute...i dont ever think we will ever do anything together..he just likes to do stuff alone...i love him..but wish he were like you...i had fun doing stuff with you..even if it was things that werent that fun...like this last grafton reunion...i had more fun driving there and walking around with you than any part of it... starting off with stopping at the maverick to get some treats...and then you looking over to see if i had my seat belt on and me pretending to put it on and laughing and you pulling over and saying we arent going anywhere till i get it.. put on ..then when we were up there walking with you through great great great grandpas house..and listening you tell some people that it was your ancestors house....also the singing and the bumpy road laughter...thats what i miss...its not the big things in life but the small things i treasure..i just want to be that little kid in the passenger seat of your car...i think dads missing out................time is passing....moments are lost......memorys never made....on the otherhand you filled yours over...you must of deep down subconciously knew you would be going soon...because when you had that pain in your back i found you crying in your room..and you saying i know i have cancer...even though you wouldnt find out for 2 weeks later...you knew....and you buying me some shinney colored bowls off ebay in october and saying these a wanted to get for you for a present for your new house....you must of knew you werent going to be here to give me something later...and all the times in the monthes before you would ask what items we wanted in the house after you died....(and this was long before you knew you were dying or were even sick..)ive talked to much....i love you and miss you...holidays will never be the same...sucks...thanks again for the bowls...i know inside i thought what is my mom buying stuff for my house...we are not even there yet! Now i get it.....i plan on putting them out for easter every year...to celebrate you..and the resurection....thanks again...love you always your little boy shane.....
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