Hi hon, how ya doin'? That's how every phone conversation we had over the last years started. I can almost hear you saying it. I hope i never lose the sound of your voice in my head. With all that you had to deal with you were ALWAYS more concerned about me. Sure we would get around to what was going on with you but not until you were sure that i was OK. I can't count the times you were there for me. Sure you were there for me when i was a child and could not care for myself but what means even more to me was that you were there when i was an adult and should have been able to care for myself but couldn't for whatever reason.

I wish you were here and i could hold you in my arms! I want to so badly! I don't feel like in the short time you were sick i was able to re-pay you for all your love and kindness. This is just not fair! You are still supposed to be here. There are things you still need to see and times we are still supposed to share! It just hurts so bad on days like this when all i want to do is call you and hear your voice and know you are there.


When i visited your grave today it reminded me of just how recently you left us. I can still see the outline of your grave site. It's like a scare on the earth that hasn't healed over yet. I hold that same scare on my heart. I know that eventually over time the grass will grow over and you won't be able to tell, but i don't think the same will happen with me. There will always be a mark on my heart and no matter how much time goes by you will still be able to see it.

I know you wouldn't want me to be mad about your leaving but to be quite honest sometimes i am. Not at you, but at whoever makes these sort's of decisions. I try and say it's just one of those things but it's not. You did nothing but live your life the best possible way and there is no reason for why YOU of all people had to come down with your sickness. I have always tried to be honest with you so that is why i am telling you this. Or maybe i just needed to get it off my chest.

Since it is Mothers day i will try and put all that aside because i know that you would just want me to be happy. I try, believe me i try. Just for you. When i feel down i think about how upbeat you always were and i try! I wish i was more like you, you know. I must of missed that gene. So it's not easy for me, but for you my love, i try. And i will keep on trying because that is what you would want me to do! I love you mom! More than you could ever know! Happy Mothers Day my angel!

Sparkle, Sparkle, Sparkle, Meow, Meow, Meow!